home > Marriage and Divorce > Divorce > Letter

My husband has been divorced several times. What do we do?

[Note, the following letter was originally sent in two parts and has been edited to reduce its length.]

Dear MTA:

My whole life after believing in Christ has been messed up after I did all the wrong things against His Word.

I had been a fornicator and had live-in boyfriends and eventually later in life I was a drug addicted prostitute. I really wanted my life to change and thus when I got out of jail in 2001--I met someone who was lonely-actually I knew him before jail.

I was always happy that one thing I did not do was marry and I have to say that I knew God's commands on adultery and marriage and divorce.

I wound up marrying someone who really helped me and understood me . The problem is I am the 5th marriage--[his] 4th wife. It is my first marriage.

Lately I have going through the computer for this adultery thing is bothering me. I think I became an adulterer by marrying my husband.. Though I messed up with drugs in our marriage--I was involved in rapes and participated in sex for drugs. My husband forgave me and doesn't want to divorce me. Yet I feel like I am lost or am I supposed to leave the marriage to get back on tract with Christ and His Word.

It's not like I haven't known the Word. To my shame of lost years without obeying Him due to whatever the reasons were----I am at a loss for -- I don't know what to do.

I married him wondering if it was ok to marry him. He has done everything for me yet I don't want to be sinning against God for I am not sure what his and their reasons were for actual divorce. Am I supposed to go to my church and tell them I am breaking God's command on adultery due to marriage/divorce/remarriage?

I want the Holy Spirit in my life and I pray God will help me or help him get where we ought to be. I am sick of screwing up people's spiritual lives due to my disobedience and foolishness.

I guess I am an adulterer and as my life hasn't been in the pits for years due to my disobedience in Christ. I don't want to perish in hell yet I am so so scared of Heb 6, Heb 10 etc.

If I were God He probably is pretty disgusted with me for I knew His Word and just kept using drugs and doing things my way. He has kept me safe from diseases from 1984 up to Aug 2004--due to drug usuage where I was raped many times under a drug (I married in 2002 Jan). He forgave me and all i have wanted to do was find my way back to Christ and so far since 1984,1986,1989,1991--I first heard about Christ around 6th grade. Then again when 17 in 1984. The other year dates listed above is when I kept coming back to Christ and then I just go back to my sins of drugs prostitution and jails. He even tried to get me in Teen Challenge--twice-- and I was even in another Christian program .

After all these years and watching family members die I have a lot of guilt and I feel so wicked. I am a mess. I got out of Christian program again in 2001 and really wanted to straighten my Spritual life out for I was afraid it was too late for me and if it is--it's my fault for being a fool.

I go to church if i don't feel tired from where I work. I'm married, and love my home. Yet I still feel like I am still sidetracked from God all together. At least Sampson was allowed the Holy Spirit to come back into His life and though he was blind--his hair grew back and he wound up doing what he was supposed to do and more.

Maybe God will have mercy on me so I won't die a wasted life as a fool. Please pray for me.

Read Our Answer To This Email